The 99th Apology

Air,
Is empty weight behind a gunpoint resolution,
To allocate blame at all requires no solution
Matters shrouded in deep regret will never be my choice
I will never find my own truth upon someone else's cross
Nor ever achieve enlightenmentPraying to someone else's God
A life lived by false demands is no life that I want
So gravely I turn from lies I've told,
From self defying turmoil
Embrace from now sickening acts of satisfied perversion
Close your ears from bellowed cheers emmanating from within
The fireworks shriek, and tear the skies
For my next and greatest sin
If I appear rejected...and if I may survive your wrath
If I am no longer your kin, because I chose a different path
While it's bile and sadness that consumes me, this
Vitriolic passion,
At least I can say 'my choice alone lead this path to my attraction'
Those deep bells will toll no longer within my cowardly heart,
I avoided full disclosure, and it tore my family apart
No more will I be found kneeling to violet cloths and cloaks
Demise is not a celebration, nor scent hidden by smoke
Let this be my incantation, let me summon the seas
At least I'll know when these lungs collapse that I made this choice for
me
I will never find my own truth nailed upon my grandfather's cross
Nor ever live a full, happy life, obeying a righteous path
The past may have shaped my faith, or what I once had called
If faith was my supposed saviour, then why did I wish to die alone?
To die so fast, and free at last the tragedy of human weakness
March along the pearly path with a holster and a harness,
Partake of my body throughout my breathing life, so damn me for my sick
nature
Eternity too minute, to erase my lack of faith in scripture
I will never find my own truth upon someone else's cross
Nor embrace disbelief for a life I may have lost
Nor ever possess a happy heart preying to someone else's God
I'm sorry Father, but I'll never live
As somebody I'm not