2003

This is my youth. Thoughts that I had hidden...and now readdress years later with a cool head and a healed heart.


Who Are You Now?
Once, I thought I knew you
Before the words were lost to me;
The same words that swirl endlessly in this electrical storm that resides in my head
It used to be easy to remember
The way you do when you're a child
A scraped knee - a faked cry
A poisoned leaf hidden amongst the lettuce
Praying that the salad gets eaten along with the rest of the dinner

I would have placed a ring on your finger
And staked my claim on you
That I could decompose entwined in your body
That I could disassemble on the floor
And place the pieces in a box, locked in your heart

Not so long ago, I could tell stories
You'd call them lies
But the spellbinding storyteller held you rapt
Bound some imaginary ropes
Thicker than blood, thinner than water
Dreams of making love on the seafront-
Oh I held you rapt, my love

And now, all we can do is cry
Me, pitifully in your arms
You, the dragon monster I paint for all the world to see - alone, truly alone
How wrong it is for this to be destroyed, snatched from my hands
How utterly wasteful, hateful
For you to spill ugly paint across our beautiful canvas
And spatter it continously until all vision is blurred,

Who are you now, my love?
I can't even see you

Cuckold, the Cellist
I give my soul away,
Just for kicks
Give my heart to you to get it fixed
So when i get it back
I'll feel better
And when you think of me
You'll think of her

I want to feel my face pressed
In the snow
I want to feel those wheels
Crush my nose
So when I taste the blood dripped
From my lips
I can feel your hands
Pressed to my hips

The cellist
Her hands are bowed
And her fingers are
Part bone
She stamps on me, she
Breaks my nose
Crush my fingers until they're
Part bone

Cuckold, the Cellist
You left me in peace

Let my finger trace
A pattern down
Along your face
And to your hands
I'll give my heart to you
I don't want it back
So keep it untainted
It's got to last

The Safest Place I Ever Knew
Would you welcome back the warrior who'd fled from all the cries?
Tender wounds and open sores placed before your very eyes?
No spear I hold, no, weaponary
No,Just peace of mind - to be homeI
n the safest place I ever knew

What did the time do to that face?
Did sand crawl across the mirror
and slide bug-like in to the earth?
Did you absorb atrocity...timidity...
Did you devour the pain?
Now, the early night comes
Along draw thought's tears, venomous streaks
Across black eyes, along my brown lips
And I sit
And I wait
And I sit
and I wait
Patiently by my desk
Begging, creeping, screaming mouthless oaths for inspiration

Did you house the imbecile?
Shelter the philistine?
Mask the infidel?
Upon my return
Do you unmask what has gone in my place?
Hands down,
Face
My mouth as I speak,
Words that I squeak

Home now,
Its been far too long
Something evil's lurking
But God praise
I'm home

Exeunt, my Love
Wrapped to eachother,
So solidly twined,
I am the the silence that promises life
Here is the stable,
Dead is the dove,
And long came the icicles,
Drawn toward love

What were you looking for?
One eye blind of night,
I am the shadow that promises light
I am the winter,
Bloom just as sweet
Now I am the one who is left incomplete by your
Searing absense
You
Stew on your throne,
I'll hand you the keys and we'll make ourselves known
Shout to the minions
Scuttle along
I am the one who is made complete by your...

You met your maker,
Ennervated pride
Do you need a queen you can strap to your side?
A pocket insanity - to keep ourselves sane
I am the one who will take all the blame
I am the silenceI am the shadow
I am the one who will take it all in shame, your
Searing absense
You
Stew on your throne,
I'll hand you the keys and we'll make ourselves known
We'll lie to eachother
Scuttle along
I am the one who is made complete by your...


Untitled
You'll broil in your idiocy
And nitpicking fantasy
Steal the flesh from eachothers bones;
Bring a head on a plate...and will you be held in greater esteem?
The loathing you experience when the brilliance shines
A reflection to serve a purpose
Which only highlights the dark pieces inside
There's something opaque
Something blocking the light
A great wall of slyness, deceit
Self aggrandization and rat racing
Who will hit the ground first?
You'll broil in your idiocy
Reduce Eden to emptiness;
And then the shame,
Comes thick and fast,
Snapattack, straight to your heart
Are you ashamed?
You'll broil in your idiocy
And I'll be glad



00:35 She Is
She is every muse
Every muscle
Each inch of flesh strewn across cosmic battlegrounds
She is fibre,
And she is matter
Twisting in pain and writhing in ecstacy
But that doesn't matter
At all

She is slipstream
Physics,
Melancholy rollercoasters, pushing through the gate
Sliding in and out of
Time,
Passing through the centuries with nothing to care

She is losing conscience
Her jaws are clamped in static perfection
Over and
Over

She has hands to wipe the tears
Minds of plenty, a plate of fruitful laughter
Ropes, bound
Hearts,Drowned
Poisoned with ethereal beauty,
Arrows
Bone marrow, solid gold
And intergalactic energy,
Unquenchable, insatiable chemistry

This is what we are
This is how we love eachother

Unquenchable,
Insatiable,
Exotic
Chemistry